Does anyone see the point of
tongue twisters? Who thought this stuff
up, Torquemada? It’s enough to send any
grade school student straight down the path to a life of crime: “Why did you hang that entire family up by
their toes?” “Because I have Post
Traumatic Peter Piper Syndrome.” His
mother visits him on Death Row every Thursday, and it’s all because of tongue
twisters!
“How much wood could a woodchuck
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”
Who cares? And what the hell is a woodchuck,
anyway? And does it chuck wood? And if so, why? If not, then there’s no point in speculating,
is there?
“Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled
peppers, a peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.”
Not only is this redundant, but
how it is possible to pick peppers that are already pickled? Peter Piper should lay off the sauce.
“She sells sea shells by the
seashore.”
Then “she” must be an idiot. Anyone can walk down the beach and pick them
up for free. “She” should get a real
job, and stop annoying the sunbathers.
“Rubber baby buggy bumpers.”
Are we discussing rubber babies
or rubber bumpers? And are the bumpers
on the pram or are they infested with insects?
Or is the baby full of bugs? This
makes about as much sense as the fortune cookie I got last week.
“Moses supposes his toes-es are roses, but
Moses supposes erroneously. Moses, he
knowses his toes-es aren’t roses, as Moses supposes his toes-es to be.”
And this is the guy God chose to
deliver the Ten Commandments? He sounds
more like a pathetically confused gardener!
There should have been and 11th Commandment: “Thou shalt not talk drivel!”
So, in conclusion, you can keep
your woodchucks, sea shells, pickled peppers, bumpers, and roses.
I am now going to untie my tongue
and put it to better use on an ice cream cone.
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